I need a good dermatologist. Fast. I’m starting to break out again. I know it sounds girly but who cares, I don’t want a face full of zits.

I have given up going to my derma since it’s way too expensive and I believed that Accutane made my acne go away already and I didn’t continue the meds since it’s way too expensive. I was wrong. Now, these stupid humongous pimples are back in full blast. They’re huge, they’re red, they’re disgusting and some of them even have pus. Now tell me if me wanting clear skin is vanity.

People who get acne occassionally, with one popping up every now and then, do not understand people like me who have severe cases. It’s depressing, it makes you lose your confidence and most especially you feel that you are the ugliest thing in the world. I’m telling you, you won’t feel what I’m feeling until you’ve experience 3-5 huge pimples at a time and hurting you like hell.

I’ve tried Proactiv and it didn’t work for me. I’m never letting Jessica Simpson talk me into buying stuffs again, except if she does it these-boots-are-made-for-walking style. Argghhh…I really want them out of my face. I’m saying goodbye to XBOX 360 and just use the money for treatment. Geeky games or superstar looks? Do I really need to answer that?

I was awaken by a friend’s text that there might be no work today because of a commotion in Fort Bonifacio. I immediately snatched my laptop and scour for information. Apparently, a military stand-off happened during Sunday night causing Malacanan to suspend classes in all levels this Monday. As much as it would be great if I don’t have to come to work on Monday, I am fucking pissed off at all the events that are happening in this country right now.

Unlike those people on the streets of Ayala last Friday and majority of the people I know, I maintain a positive outlook on the government. As much as possible, I steer away from discussions about politics as it always ends up into a debate, each having our own sides without ever opening up to the possibilities that the other side might be correct. I am not totally behind the president, I just think that she’s doing her job well and we can see that by the direction of the economy and the peso. Why do those power-hungry opposition figures seem to wait until the economy is showing signs of progress and then they launch this so-called EDSA ? And for goodness’s sake don’t even let me start on that old yellow lady who seem to have the most record of holding prayer vigils. It’s not like she has a good track record to brag about.

Oh well, our country is back on the news again for all the people in the world to see. All this is just making an impression that this country is a mess, which is partly true. All because of everyone wanting to grab hold of power. Quit it. We, or at least I, are tired of this circus. It’s the worst reality TV ever. Speaking of which, someone in PinoyExchange started a topic, asking what will happen to Pinoy Big Brother if the government will take over ABS-CBN. Wow, he all got his priorities straight.

Two weeks without a new entry? Well, things have been pretty crazy lately. There are tons that happened within those two weeks but I always get sleepy whenever I bring up Blogger.

We finally moved in to our new home in the top floor of our building (I’d like to call it the Penthoushe, hehe) and I’m kinda liking it. We’re still not totally settled it because there are boxes everywhere, dust on every surface and the a/c is still not working. I like my bed though because it’s now double sized compared to the my old single bed that I have for as long as I can remember. I’ll post pictures of my room once it gets totally furnished…for now I need the Knock First guys to “amped” it. The whole place has wi-fi so I can surf whenever I want even in the toilet, how cool is that?

This weekend is pretty lame. Yesterday I finally said goodbye to my old desktop PC and sold it to Grace for a cheap price. It’s gathering dust in here anyway so might as well let it go. Then we went over to Waltermart Makati to watch the Pink Panther. I’m broke and Waltermart is always there for us for cheap entertainment. Today, I helped my mom clean the whole place and after that I took a loooooong bath…in the tub. Yes, we have a bathtub, how awesome is that? I even bring in my iPod and listen to a whole album while soaking in my own filth.

We’re off to Hong Kong in 11 days…I’m so damn excited you won’t believe it. Oh well, I can scream all I want here and no one can hear me.

When I arrive at the office on Monday morning, people usually ask “How’s your weekend?” and I reply with a very enthusiastic “Pretty good.” thinking of the things that I’ve done or the lack thereof. But really, my weekends usually turn out well as it has become a routine for me. Saturdays are spent at Rockwell either alone or with a friend to watch a movie or just hang around. Sundays are spent at home having a movie marathon of some sort or spending time with my family. It certainly isn’t the case for this weekend as it turns out to be horrible.

Saturday, I woke up cheery as usual, and went straight to the bathroom only to be greeted by my closeted-gay uncle (I like to call him Bernardo Bernardo) with his usual ramblings about simple things as having a videoke machine is “bad luck”. WTF? And this of course will be counter-shouted by my mother and their combined voices is enough to destroy the Great Wall of China. My dad started rambling about his phone bill and how cutting our DSL connection will reduce it significantly. This of course resulted in yet another argument as there’s no way I would give up DSL without a fight.

After all the arguments, I finally manage myself to get out of the house and into a cab. Effing cab driver over-charged me for a ride to Ayala but as I am too tired to argue I just threw the money at him. I arrived at the gym and surprised that it wasn’t crowded. Did my workout as usual but halfway through I realized that my locker key was missing! Rushed to the locker room to check as I have every valuable I have in there including my passport (Don’t ask why I brought it). After talks with the staff I finally said that just open it and let me pay the fine and quickly regretted it as it costs 600 bucks. ARE THEY FUCKING KIDDING ME? I’m not the type who goes into argument so I just give them the money and also asked that my membership be terminated. They asked for my mobile and said that they will call me before I can terminate my membership…I’m already there standing in the lobby, why do they have to call me?! Anyway, I’ll just cut them right at the source and report my card lost to the bank…let’s see what they can do.

Good thing the rest of the day went well. Went straight to the Powerplant Mall to watch Munich. Awesome movie though felt overly long. I had fun though and definitely got me interested in the whole Israel-Palestenian conflict by reading Wikipedia ’til the wee hours at night.

Sunday was also pretty bad but I don’t wanna get into much details. Anyway, I spent half of the day in the ghetto part of Manila because my mom has to check out some cheap furnitures for our new house. Surprised to see that there are hundreds of second hand TVs with dirt-cheap prices at the pier shopping whatever. The guy there was like “ser, plat po eto at may feychur in feychure” and I said, “ano?” and he goes “feychur in feychur, parang ganito po o.” And he pointed at the TV…”Ohhhh…Picture in Picture.” Anyway, as expected we didn’t buy anything as they look crappy and all have japanese menus. Now if they have cheap Plasmas then I might change my mind. Hee.

After being there I was glad to be back at Ayala Center where not everyone looks like they’re about to steal my phone. Now furniture shopping in SM Makati is waaaayyyy nicer and we spent hours sitting from couch to couch and lying from bed to bed in finding the perfect one. We didn’t end up buying anything though…pity.

This morning, having been back at the office, someone said “How’s your weekend?” I simply said, “Fucked up. Hope yours is worse.”

Why do we all love to pretend? We pretend we are somebody when we’re really nobody. We pretend we are alright when we are really not. We pretend we are happy but deep inside we are miserable.

We are built to pretend. We are all good actors. God allows us to think it all out before blurting it out. We are designed to say just what we want to say and act what we want to act.

It’s exhausting. I don’t wanna pretend anymore. I don’t want to laugh when really all I want is to sunk all my sorrows in alcohol. I don’t want to make jokes when really I want is to scream at a pillow just to let it all out.

I want to stop pretending that I’m happy but I have no choice, I have to keep pretending.