• Paper towels are only for display. Shake your hand violently in the sink to dry your hands.
  • Want satellite TV? Get the basic package and only one receiver. To hook the other TV sets, split the cable on that receiver and just change channels on the living room. Everyone should watch the same channel at all times.
  • Driving over a bridge? Avoid paying toll at all costs and find an alternate route 20 miles off course instead. Never mind that you spent more on gas.
  • Under no circumstances that the heater can be used. Sleeping in the winter is possible by wearing 5 layers of clothing.
  • Cell phones are only to be used during nights and weekends when it’s free even if you have hundreds of thousands of rollover minutes.
  • Having the garbage collected by waste management is a luxury. If you have a nephew on vacation, use him as your own personal trash collector and ask him to take the trash in the dumpster.

Having followed all of these tips, you can now send all of your money to your adult sons and daughters in the Philippines who are oblivious of the word “job”.